The Top 10 Worst DMs I’ve Ever Received
This newsletter took hours. Sadly, these DMs took seconds.
Let’s get something straight: I love a good DM.
Some of my best client relationships? Started in the DMs.
But some of my biggest cringe moments? Also started there.
I’ve been on LinkedIn long enough to say this with confidence: There’s an epidemic of bad outreach.
It’s not just tone-deaf. It’s reputation-wrecking.
Today, I’m sharing 10 real DMs I’ve received since July 2024. [Direct quotes. No exaggerations. Buckle up.]
#10: “You must give me job. Or else.”
➜ YESSS, I’ve always wanted to hire someone who opens with a threat.
#9: “Can I be your husband?”
➜ At least take a girl to a digital dinner first. Or maybe … don’t.
#8: “Would you review my profile and content and let me know what I can work on?”
➜ That is my job. No, I will not do it for free because you dropped into my inbox uninvited.
#7: “Your videos are quite bad. I can make them better.”
➜ My grandmother said it best: You get way more flies with honey than you do with vinegar.
#6: “I am a LinkedIn ghostwriter. I can increase your leads and grow your audience.”
➜ You mean… the job listed literally in my headline? Please. Read the room (and the profile).
#5: “I have 1 free invite to a mastermind, and I think you’d be a great fit!”
➜ You have infinity invites. You’re just hoping I won’t notice. I did.
#4: “We have an exciting new coaching program for female entreprenuers. Let’s set up a time to talk tomorrow. Here’s my calendar link. Choose a time quickly—they fill up fast.”
➜ The 1990s called. They want their pushy sales tactics back.
#3: “All I want for my 45th birthday is your glowing review of my new book. Can I count on you to make my wish come true? Or do I need to bribe you with cake—or better yet, hire you to jump out of one?”
➜ [That’s a hard no. And a harder 🤮 emoji.]
#2: [After receiving my ghostwriting rates + process]
“I’m not paying you. You need to expand your view of the world. You are arrogant and foolish. I am a professional musician and writer, and I wager in a year everyone will know who I am, and you will understand what you just passed on.”
➜ Spoiler Alert: I’m still waiting on that understanding.
#1: “Hi, Holly. I see you are a mature woman. Are you perimenopausal yet?”
➜ Believe it or not, I didn’t wake up that day hoping to talk about menstrual cycles with a stranger on LinkedIn.
I teach a DM strategy in my LinkedIn™ masterclass. The next session starts in August. If you want more information , please reply to this message with, "I'm In!"
Back to the post:
What do those 10 DMs have in common?
They’re all self-serving.
They lack context.
They offer no real value.
And worst of all?
They forget that behind every profile is a person.
Want to connect or collaborate with someone? Start here:
-
Get to know them first.
Read their content. Watch their videos. Follow before you DM. -
Be specific.
Mention a recent post. Reference a detail from their About section. Prove you care. -
Lead with value, not vanity.
Don't pitch out of the gate. Invite a conversation. -
Don’t use scripted questions pretending to be curious.
We can all spot a “What keeps you up at night?” opener from a mile away.
In short?
Just. Be human.